CANCER S__KS!

A wonderful thing happened to me recently. I stumbled upon the FACEBOOK application and decided, on a whim, to give it a try. I created my homepage, which isn't nearly as MYSPACE complicated, and started the search. I found old friends that I had attended elementary, junior-high and senior high-school with. INCREDIBLE! There was one friend, in particular, I had just recently began thinking about --- ALOT!. Her name was Kimberly. She was a red-headed spit fire --- the only child to a very successful attorney and stay at home mom. Her daddy was a trip! The kind that would get in the pool with you and wrestle --- till you nearly drowned! It was all in good fun though. He grilled, he swam, he played Marco Polo and he encouraged. He and his wife just opened their home to Kim's friends and welcomed them. I loved that family alot.

Kim and I found a separate 'click' to hang with mid-way through our junior year of high-school. Consequently, we lost touch. Her dad passed away from cancer while we were both finishing our time at Miami Palmetto Sr. High. She went one way and I the other. But these last few months, as I've wondered what ever happened to her, I have known, in the back of my mind, that GOD has a way of working out the details.

And lo and behold......

Kimberly is living in Atlanta, Georgia. Married for 19 years. She has no children unless you count the dog, Charlie!

Another thing I discovered? CANCER.

She was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer this year. I'm sure you can surmise the rest. Lumpectomy, Radiation and TODAY --- SURGERY.

If you feel lead, would you please PRAY for this lovely woman? I don't know what her beliefs about God or heaven are, but I do know --- I want to have the chance to get to know my friend again. She is very precious to HIM and ---- I am counting on God's timing being PERFECT in this!



But when we get to heaven don't be surprised if you STILL hear me say to Jesus, "CANCER S__KS!"

Mister-understood....

I decided after the wonderful time I had yesturday with the Viking Victor in my house that --- TODAY would be different. It helps that my husband left out on the next leg of his tour last night --- with each limb still intact and not one very long hair harmed on his head. But he didn't take the other male with him. LOL. So there is still just a bit of the cataclysmic bang threatening to explode in my lovely little abode..... No, not really :-)

I was just taking a few moments to sift through my son's pictures he's saved onto my computer. I do this periodically to ensure I am not caught unawares if you, as a parent, know what I mean. I stumbled across some very old interpretations of my oldest child. Remember the good old days when he would walk into the church we attend with the spiked out, jet-black hair and the 4 inch Marilyn Manson wedged boots???? eeeeek. Hated it then and I would hate it now. Remember when he just couldn't stand being agree-able or when he had to say, do and believe the bi-polar opposite of everything I, his fiercest enemy--- in his eyes, stood for? My georgous boy and I walked through a very dark time together. There were many days and nights when I cried myself to sleep thinking he would hate me forever and that he wouldn't make it through to the other side.

Well, he turns 18 in December. A couple of weeks ago a young man from our church said, "Hello, Mrs. Knapp." Honestly, I had no earthly idea who he was but I responded with a warm greeting and apologized for my lapse in memory. He introduced himself and explained, "Well I know you from watching you sing BUT.........." And here is where it started to get interesting "...I had Gregg in my cabin a few years ago and Kathryn is my sister."

"Oh,... I see." He then went on to inquire about Gregg. I told him he was doing really well --- 4.0 GPA, looking for a job etc, etc. The young man then stated that 'Gregg was a really cool kid' and that he thought 'he got a bad wrap when he often didn't deserve it.' Hmmm....

Gregg is extremely intelligent, and a hard-core artist. In a nutshell, he wants to shake up the norm, elicit a response and challenge the mind. He often succeeded --- but it came with a price. For a few years, Gregg used himself to interpret his art. He expressed his anger, his joy, his rebellion and his frustration through his clothes, his shoes and his hair.

But he was probably more honest than many of the kids he attended school or church with.

He put his thoughts out there, good or bad, and he challenged the status quo. The thing I appreciated, even in his dark days, was that he was who he was. He didn't apologize for it or want to --- even when I coerced. He was making the journey --- that IS his alone to make. He still doesn't believe everything I do. That's okay. Because there is someone who loves this kid even more than his father and I --- and HE understands my son, mister-understood, far better than you or I ever will.

For BETTER or WORSE!

First let me preface this by saying publicly --- I LOVE MY HUSBAND! But right now, at this very moment, I am having Alley McBeal visions of rendering bodily harm to my very own HIGHLANDER! GRRRRRRRRR. This morning did NOT go the way I expected it to, noooooooo, not by a longshot! He took me to breakfast, where along with our coffee and eggs, he proceeded to tell me I was acting like an ____! (insert your own adjective --- maybe the one your husband or signifigant other uses on you.) To say I was hurt was an understatement. I realize that I am NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT, but I do try my best to be moderately capable and accommodating. Those of you who know me, are aware of the fact that my husband is out on the road --- MOST OF THE TIME. So I am here raising our brood very much like a single woman. Most days I manage well and even get everything done efficiently and with a smile on my face, but there are about 7 days a month when nature and nurture collide with a cataclysmic BANG! I do my utmost best to warn those around me, but let me just say --- not everyone heeds the warning. My kids have jokingly told my closest friend that its fun to push my buttons! Yeah, whoop-Dee-do! Well this morning, they weren't the problem. Neither were my hormones. Apparently, MY FACE WAS --- it betrayed me! I should know better by now because --- it always does! Believe me, it's not a good thing either.

Here's what occurred to the best of my recollection. My husband likes to lighten my load whenever he comes home, he wakes up baby JJ(Jaelyn ---13), makes coffee for me and then gets the rest of our off-spring moving toward the day ahead. Awesome, right? I KNOW!! All was running smoothly until he arrived home after taking baby JJ to school. He then proceeded, all warm and protective like, to warn me about the police cleverly hidden up and down the main road outside our neighborhood. Gasp. That's when the betrayal occurred. The muscles in my face took it upon themselves to contort into the 'tell me something I don't already know, lug head' position and the --- Match. Was. On! In this corner, 6ft 2in Viking Victor vs. 5ft 4in Hormonal Heroine!!!!! So. Not. Good. Arnie also informed me that the muscles in my eyes contracted in an exaggerated, albeit CIRCULAR, motion. So. Much. Worse!!!

I don't know if stellar moments like these are betrayed by YOUR face in your house but --- whew!... let me tell you, not the way to start your day around here. It followed us to the local Cracker Barrel and ruined what should have been a lovely re-start to our day. I'll say this again though --- I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I just hope he continues to overlook the 'for worse' moments and cling to the treasure of the BETTER ones. Because there will be more of them to come --- for better AND for worse.....

When Savannah Smiles....

This is a huge week for all of us here in our world: School started, my oldest kids, Gregg and Savannah, have been hustling to find after school jobs and my husband is home after a month of touring on the road with Lynyrd Skynyrd. Busy just doesn't paint the picture with enough color. It's been the fast and the furious around here. And in the middle of it all I am watching my first baby girl attempt to maneuver through a very tough transition in her personal life. Her boyfriend, Blake, is leaving this Thursday to attend UT Knoxville. Just witnessing her internal struggle is enough to make my own eyes spring leaks. I know that she will conquer this change --- they both will. I even have, down in my gut, a bit of optimism that they just may make it all the way home to a family of their very own one day. But right now, my heart is longing for something --- priceless. I'm longing for my daughter and her very special guy to know peace. Dare I even say --- to have some fun and joy these last 48 hours. I understand that this may be unattainable, after all, there is a dark cloud of the unknown on their horizon. But I also believe, for my husband, myself and now Blake, that there may be nothing on earth quite as endearing as when Savannah smiles. I have experienced its force when away from it too long. It's one of the first things her daddy longs to see when he returns to us from off the road. I wonder if it will light the way home for Blake as well. Hmmm....

Amy Whinehouse is ?????

So, in the last couple of days my youngest daughter, Jaelyn, decided that she would begin the chase of her musical dream. She, along with her older brother Gregg, created her very own YouTube channel. Her video debut was that of her very own karaoke cover of Amy Whinehouse's, You No I'm No Good --- not exactly the most innocent of songs ever penned. Well, I was truly floored, as a former professional singer myself, by the sound and interpretation my 13 year old baby was able to produce. And then it hit me? Was Amy this good at the tender age of 13? Did she use to learn the latest hit songs from the radio, run downstairs demanding an audience with her mother and father? Did they even know she was truly an amazing and gifted songstress? Or worse, did they only show her attention, love and affirmation when she performed?
I had a father like that. He believed I would be somebody IF AND WHEN I became famous. Now, don't misunderstand, I love my daddy and I wish every single day I could talk to and see him again. He's been gone from us now for 11 years and that's given me alot of time to reflect on his mistakes --- as well as my own. My daddy did the best he could with what he had been given. And consequently I have learned that I will not give love and affirmation to my children based only on the merits of their performance. I have let them know that God loves them for EXACTLY who they are --- even when they create a heap of a mess. I wonder if Amy ever heard the words, I love you --- just because. I wonder why this gifted creature, that God formed in her mother's womb, is such an utter train wreck. Maybe it was just teenage rebellion that got her started down the path of destruction she seems hellbent on traveling. But maybe, just maybe, she is hiding something much darker. I'm sure I'll never know, but I have prayed for her today as I've watched Jaelyn's video. And then I've thanked God for the gift of my daughter. And I pray even harder she will NEVER know or experience the meaning of the words to that song.