SUR-REALITY

I've been wrestling with God lately. Alot.

Confronting many different issues from long, long ago. Connecting the dots. In other words --- processing how I got from there to here. Sunday evening, I tried really hard to articulate myself at small group but couldn't quite spit the words out in a manner that made a whole lot of sense. Ughh. But then Monday morning arrived and it hit me straight in the face like a Mack truck!

FEAR.

I've had a lifetime of it. Carried it with me in my back pocket. FEAR enabled me to be easily swayed and misled often by well meaning people --- some who were even in the ministry. FEAR persuaded me to care too much about what others thought and not enough about what God was whispering in my own heart. FEAR persuaded me to allow others to define what HIS VISION was for my life. FEAR IS ONE SMART MONSTER! I allowed it to set dangerous precedent that I'm only now beginning to confront.

So, I've been experiencing these 'moments' in the last couple of weeks. During some quiet times, GOD has been gently reminding me of His provision. The many miracles He performed in my life despite all those FEARS that were hanging out in my back pocket. He has been reminding me of the woman who spoke more about the PROBLEM SOLVER than the problem -- regardless of whatever form 'the problem' took.

As you can imagine, much has been going on behind the mask I call my face. I've been taking my own spiritual temperature so to speak. Sunday afternoon I asked myself --- is loving my neighbor really just about the ones who annoy us while driving or scream too loudly while out on the baseball field? (of course not) Isn't the more realistic application then to LOVE the cast aways of our society --- the prisoners, the drunks and drug addicts, the gays and lesbians, those of differing religious beliefs, the doctors who perform abortions, liars and thieves --- my real world NEIGHBORS? In other words, the people created by the same God I feebly attempt to follow, who look, speak, act and often believe differently. Neighbors who may also perceive me to be just another religious nut job who doesn't walk the walk they talk!? Quite frankly, loving the annoying people --- not so much of a stretch. But showing love to someone of the same sex that might secretly find you attractive (or not) --- that ramps it up a bit don't you think?

I've also been wondering to myself --- what am I to do with the next phase of my life? I'm nearing the end of the 'all hands on deck while raising 3 kids' part. My teens are now able to speak, wipe their own noses, and other asundries, and they smell nice too. LOL. Time is beginning to stick around throughout my day. It's kind of weird when I think about it. I've been wife and mother, full time, for the last 20 years. But back many moons ago, I was a writer and singer who traveled extensively. But if I'm really going to be honest here --- I haven't felt a whole lot of self worth in a long while. I know what you're thinking, --- SELF is a dirty word, right? But that's the artist in me and --- sadly, the truth. No sense trying to deny it anymore. Especially to the one who created me.


However, as if to gently prove me wrong --- to remind me that I matter to HIM --- He sent me a gift via YOUTUBE. It reminded me that, even today, some of that artistic worth I laid down years ago is still spinning out in HIS universe and it's being utilized for worship, without pomp and circumstance, in places like an obscure little church somewhere in the Philippines.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ7JAHWcKI0




I was stunned. It was surreal. And yet, as I listened to those words that flowed from the well spring of my soul way back then, I realized that, in the here and now, it's the very heartbeat of what I'm still called to do.



TAKE THE NAME OF JESUS

In a day of endless struggle
as we pray for strength to fight
our lives we will surrender
to walk by faith not sight
to proclaim his name victorious
so all the world will know
till we someday we meet the son of man
we must let His truth be known


In the streets are hungry children
who are starving for some bread
they only want to find a home
a place to lay their head
have you heard the still small voice inside
saying what have you done with these
as you've given to the least of them
you've given unto ME

we'll praise His name
no matter what the cost
we'll raise Him high
so the world won't be lost
and if by chance He calls us home
before we meet again
won't you take the name of Jesus
to the hearts of this great land

With courage we'll fight the fight
to set his people free
we must take his light and love to all
so the world can finally see, can finally see

we'll praise His name
no matter what the cost
we'll raise Him high
so the world won't be lost
and if by chance He calls us home
before we meet again
won't you take the name of Jesus
to the hearts of this great land



The lyric above needs a few edits now. But it was written in a moment of FEARlessness. And yet, something tells me it may just become my anthem again, with greater context --- the here and now --- in my own back yard --- loving my neighbors.



Sur-reality. (to me) A moment when God reaffirms that you and your dream of long ago, whatever that may have been, still matters so very much --- to Him.