A ROAD DADDY AND A BIRD!

As some of you may know my husband drives a bus. Not any old Greyhound bus, but the million dollar coaches associated with the music artists of today's rock and roll, pop, country and even gospel scene. He is an A-list driver who has worked for Britney Spears, N-Sync, Faith Hill, Wide Spread Panic and here for about the last four years, Lynyrd Skynyrd, to name just a few. I am privy to some back-stage spoiler but like a good wife, keep my lips closed and just nod my head like I care. LOL. Artists seem to be cut from the same narcissistic cloth, its just the way they roll. Anyway, I digress so let me get quickly to the point. Occasionally, Arnie will have a really great story. And this past week he had me close to peeing my pants while driving. Let me recount this as best I can.

2 am and the bus is rather quiet.

Arnie is driving (or flying at about ** miles per hour) down a dark desert highway with Sparky, guitarist for Skynyrd, sitting up in the captains chair listening to Arnie drone on about loving his wife and kids. (okay so maybe that isn't what they were talking about but --- don't kill my joy!)

Anyhow, out of the corner of my husband's keen eye, he saw a dark shadow zoom by and then it happened.

BAM!!! *&%!!!!!

Husband recalls his heart nearly stopping and his shorts getting wet.

Sparky lept into the entrance well turning around and around in circles doing what I refer to as the dooky-dance. You know the one where your kids run in short little circles holding their hand over their butt cuz they're gonna drop one but can't seem to get to the bathroom???? Yeah that's the dance.

In addition to the circles, he continuously mumbled and then shouted out some passionate word that takes no imagination, but rhymes with truck! Apparently, the dancing lasted a couple of revolutions as Arnie had to ask him if he was okay. Eventually he was --- after his heart rate settled down. The large OWL bit the proverbial road dust. Poor bird, he was probably just looking for a branch to perch on but ended up meeting his maker.

When the rest of the gang awakened in the am, finding the damage to the driver's side wind shield, they were amazed. After all, they commented, "we didn't even feel you swerve!" Husband answered them, "that's because I didn't!"

Isn't that the best? Those are the stories I live for. I met my husband nearly 20 years ago while he drove for the group I was touring with. He is an amazing driver and takes his job very seriously. I guess that's why he's ALWAYS asked back. He can be little irreverent at times but he's also one of the most hard-working and loyal men I have ever met. He's had me in stitches more times than I can count --- LOVE HIM!!!

So glad this bird's aim was little too high. Because I want a life-time more of those funny moments.

All joking aside. It really could have ended quite badly.

A HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN!

This was the hardest secret we have EVER kept in our house.

We had to schedule Savannah's birthday celebration on a Sunday due to a work conflict. Consequently, she thought we actually had NOTHING planned.


(Typical teenager, right?)

Truth is, we had this in the works and were hoping it would have the desired effect....

IT DID!!!!!

NECESSITY IS THE MOTHER OF ALL....

Ughhh! When will it EVER stinking end!!?? No matter how many times I ask for the dirty clothes to be brought to the laundry room, I find myself walking into my kids hazardous habitats only to be greeted by the stench of their dirty clothes and filthy underwear. You would think since one of my kids, who shall remain nameless, cannot use a towel twice --- (since the idea of using said towel on his face that once wiped his just showered butt is just..... 'ewwwwwwww' ---[oops] ) that he would actually WANT his filthy stinking undergarments WASHED!

I don't know, maybe this is just happening in my little corner of my little world and you ---whoever you might be --- cannot relate at all. But there are days when the thought of washing and then folding one more garment of clothing drives me to want to drink! And I don't mean a cup of overpriced Starbucks coffee or a Diet Coke! It is also a sad but simple truth that my kids do not greet their freshly washed clothing, or their mother, with chants of "you are blessed, you're so great mom, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!" As a matter of fact, after the monotonous washing and the folding, I sometimes have to plead with them to actually put their clothes away! Funny, right?

In any event, I am reminded that --- necessity is the mother of all invention. Once upon a long, long time ago, women had to use a wash board and lye soap to clean the family's garments! Laundry was a back breaking chore that often took HOURS to complete. Someone, probably a woman ---or better yet--- a husband who was sick of his wife's drinking habit, determined it would be highly beneficial to all of mankind to --- invent the washing machine. Hmmm, necessity brought man invention. And many happier women.

So instead of complaining:

I will joyfully load up that GE Washer and thank Thomas Edison for bringing electricity into my home.

I will accomplish this task in very short order, which is why I am able to sit here and BLOG about my kids and their dirty underwear!

I will stick to drinking coffee and Diet Coke and stay away from the hard stuff!

I might even decide to invent something --- how bout an implanted micro-chip that gently shocks a teen-ager whenever their dirty dainties hit the bedroom floor!

Ahhhh, now that would be a Pulitzer Prize winner.

Sunday Monday

Sunday.

The day I attend Church.

To cleanse.

To enlighten my heart and mind with ideas that are bigger than ME.

Lofty goal.....

Especially when it ends with a throw down between my two female off-spring that would give the WWF a run for its overpaid, over hyped money!

Here is the reality of my day of rest. The text read: "...You better tell your favorite daughter to back off or I will jump her right here right now and rip her hair out and stuff it in her mouth....."

Wooohooo ---- that was so full of Jesus wasn't it?

Thirteen and near 16 years old often mix like oil and water. You can take them places together ---- and often watch the fireworks ignite.

The younger sister thinks the older sister is the favorite. The older sister believes the younger one is because in her mind ---- baby girl gets away with everything.

(not true)

Mother gets drawn into the fight and 16 year old gets mad at her!!!!!! What???

I spent over two hours sorting through the emotional mind field of my girls. Both cried. But only one called UNCLE. The sender of that ominous text asked for forgiveness. Receiver allowed herself to be hugged but didn't want to reciprocate. Ughh!

Mother considered running away!

When I was pregnant all those moons ago, rubbing my over-inflated belly, I imagined what they would look like and sound like.

Dark hair?

Blue, green or brown eyes?

Would they be artistic?

I really had no idea there would be days like this. Sure, I had siblings ---- brothers. But somehow in the wonder lust of love, while building a life with the one I CHOSE to create family with ---- I FORGOT!!!

I often remind my girls that God intentionally put them in a family ---together! This didn't happen by accident but with design and with intent!

There are moments though --- when I wonder if God's intent was to drive me to the funny farm!



Monday.

Week begins at a rapid pace.

Jaelyn walks down the stairs to retrieve book-bag.

Mother hears her say, "bye Gregg, love you .... love you, Savannah."



Mother waits.....

Savannah's reply, "love you too JJ."

Mother decides NOT to run away. :-)

For BETTER or WORSE!

First let me preface this by saying publicly --- I LOVE MY HUSBAND! But right now, at this very moment, I am having Alley McBeal visions of rendering bodily harm to my very own HIGHLANDER! GRRRRRRRRR. This morning did NOT go the way I expected it to, noooooooo, not by a longshot! He took me to breakfast, where along with our coffee and eggs, he proceeded to tell me I was acting like an ____! (insert your own adjective --- maybe the one your husband or signifigant other uses on you.) To say I was hurt was an understatement. I realize that I am NO WHERE NEAR PERFECT, but I do try my best to be moderately capable and accommodating. Those of you who know me, are aware of the fact that my husband is out on the road --- MOST OF THE TIME. So I am here raising our brood very much like a single woman. Most days I manage well and even get everything done efficiently and with a smile on my face, but there are about 7 days a month when nature and nurture collide with a cataclysmic BANG! I do my utmost best to warn those around me, but let me just say --- not everyone heeds the warning. My kids have jokingly told my closest friend that its fun to push my buttons! Yeah, whoop-Dee-do! Well this morning, they weren't the problem. Neither were my hormones. Apparently, MY FACE WAS --- it betrayed me! I should know better by now because --- it always does! Believe me, it's not a good thing either.

Here's what occurred to the best of my recollection. My husband likes to lighten my load whenever he comes home, he wakes up baby JJ(Jaelyn ---13), makes coffee for me and then gets the rest of our off-spring moving toward the day ahead. Awesome, right? I KNOW!! All was running smoothly until he arrived home after taking baby JJ to school. He then proceeded, all warm and protective like, to warn me about the police cleverly hidden up and down the main road outside our neighborhood. Gasp. That's when the betrayal occurred. The muscles in my face took it upon themselves to contort into the 'tell me something I don't already know, lug head' position and the --- Match. Was. On! In this corner, 6ft 2in Viking Victor vs. 5ft 4in Hormonal Heroine!!!!! So. Not. Good. Arnie also informed me that the muscles in my eyes contracted in an exaggerated, albeit CIRCULAR, motion. So. Much. Worse!!!

I don't know if stellar moments like these are betrayed by YOUR face in your house but --- whew!... let me tell you, not the way to start your day around here. It followed us to the local Cracker Barrel and ruined what should have been a lovely re-start to our day. I'll say this again though --- I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I just hope he continues to overlook the 'for worse' moments and cling to the treasure of the BETTER ones. Because there will be more of them to come --- for better AND for worse.....