SUR-REALITY

I've been wrestling with God lately. Alot.

Confronting many different issues from long, long ago. Connecting the dots. In other words --- processing how I got from there to here. Sunday evening, I tried really hard to articulate myself at small group but couldn't quite spit the words out in a manner that made a whole lot of sense. Ughh. But then Monday morning arrived and it hit me straight in the face like a Mack truck!

FEAR.

I've had a lifetime of it. Carried it with me in my back pocket. FEAR enabled me to be easily swayed and misled often by well meaning people --- some who were even in the ministry. FEAR persuaded me to care too much about what others thought and not enough about what God was whispering in my own heart. FEAR persuaded me to allow others to define what HIS VISION was for my life. FEAR IS ONE SMART MONSTER! I allowed it to set dangerous precedent that I'm only now beginning to confront.

So, I've been experiencing these 'moments' in the last couple of weeks. During some quiet times, GOD has been gently reminding me of His provision. The many miracles He performed in my life despite all those FEARS that were hanging out in my back pocket. He has been reminding me of the woman who spoke more about the PROBLEM SOLVER than the problem -- regardless of whatever form 'the problem' took.

As you can imagine, much has been going on behind the mask I call my face. I've been taking my own spiritual temperature so to speak. Sunday afternoon I asked myself --- is loving my neighbor really just about the ones who annoy us while driving or scream too loudly while out on the baseball field? (of course not) Isn't the more realistic application then to LOVE the cast aways of our society --- the prisoners, the drunks and drug addicts, the gays and lesbians, those of differing religious beliefs, the doctors who perform abortions, liars and thieves --- my real world NEIGHBORS? In other words, the people created by the same God I feebly attempt to follow, who look, speak, act and often believe differently. Neighbors who may also perceive me to be just another religious nut job who doesn't walk the walk they talk!? Quite frankly, loving the annoying people --- not so much of a stretch. But showing love to someone of the same sex that might secretly find you attractive (or not) --- that ramps it up a bit don't you think?

I've also been wondering to myself --- what am I to do with the next phase of my life? I'm nearing the end of the 'all hands on deck while raising 3 kids' part. My teens are now able to speak, wipe their own noses, and other asundries, and they smell nice too. LOL. Time is beginning to stick around throughout my day. It's kind of weird when I think about it. I've been wife and mother, full time, for the last 20 years. But back many moons ago, I was a writer and singer who traveled extensively. But if I'm really going to be honest here --- I haven't felt a whole lot of self worth in a long while. I know what you're thinking, --- SELF is a dirty word, right? But that's the artist in me and --- sadly, the truth. No sense trying to deny it anymore. Especially to the one who created me.


However, as if to gently prove me wrong --- to remind me that I matter to HIM --- He sent me a gift via YOUTUBE. It reminded me that, even today, some of that artistic worth I laid down years ago is still spinning out in HIS universe and it's being utilized for worship, without pomp and circumstance, in places like an obscure little church somewhere in the Philippines.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJ7JAHWcKI0




I was stunned. It was surreal. And yet, as I listened to those words that flowed from the well spring of my soul way back then, I realized that, in the here and now, it's the very heartbeat of what I'm still called to do.



TAKE THE NAME OF JESUS

In a day of endless struggle
as we pray for strength to fight
our lives we will surrender
to walk by faith not sight
to proclaim his name victorious
so all the world will know
till we someday we meet the son of man
we must let His truth be known


In the streets are hungry children
who are starving for some bread
they only want to find a home
a place to lay their head
have you heard the still small voice inside
saying what have you done with these
as you've given to the least of them
you've given unto ME

we'll praise His name
no matter what the cost
we'll raise Him high
so the world won't be lost
and if by chance He calls us home
before we meet again
won't you take the name of Jesus
to the hearts of this great land

With courage we'll fight the fight
to set his people free
we must take his light and love to all
so the world can finally see, can finally see

we'll praise His name
no matter what the cost
we'll raise Him high
so the world won't be lost
and if by chance He calls us home
before we meet again
won't you take the name of Jesus
to the hearts of this great land



The lyric above needs a few edits now. But it was written in a moment of FEARlessness. And yet, something tells me it may just become my anthem again, with greater context --- the here and now --- in my own back yard --- loving my neighbors.



Sur-reality. (to me) A moment when God reaffirms that you and your dream of long ago, whatever that may have been, still matters so very much --- to Him.

Tale of the 'Greedy Bitch' and 'Lying Bastard.'

I'm sure you have seen them in the news. Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon and Kate plus 8. One of my favorite TLC cable shows about a couple doing the best they can to care for the blessings of their 8 kids --- twins and a set of sextuplets. Well, the 'shitolla' hit the fan in the last couple of weeks and you can't go to the grocery store without USWeekly or even PEOPLE magazine filling you in, by way of their covers, on the latest juicy bit of gossip associated with this now celebrity couple. I've heard some really nice people take aim at Kate, calling her a greedy bitch and only in it all for the money and fame. Really? On TLC? Did I miss their move to Hollywood or something? (ahhh man , bet that was a great episode.)

I can only imagine how hard this whirlwind must be for both of them. I am not debating the facts here, cause quite frankly, don't know what they are --- neither do you my sweet readers. I just don't understand why a brother of the 'alleged mistress' would sell his sister out to USWeekly. Oh yeah, MONEY. Nice family.

Kate's family isn't much better as we have now heard from her brother and sister-n-law. Ka-ching

By the looks of it, they seem to be the ones grasping for their piece of the proverbial fame pie. By the looks of it.

Did you catch the CBS morning spot on 'whether the Gosselin 8' are SAFE' ???

No lie. The morning anchor put on her best gravely concerned face and asked GLORIA ALRED if the children were being negatively impacted by all the frenzy and the way in which Jon and Kate snap at each other all the time..... (I guess morning anchor didn't consider the NETWORK'S blatant salacious story to be adding any pressure to this already hostile, not good for the kids and about to explode environment)

CUE ominous music.

Did we really need to ask that? And did we need to get that opinion from one of the most notorious female attorneys in the country and lead the interview with 'Are the Gosselin kids SAFE' hook? Yes, Attorney Alred occasionally dons her super human leotard and tights and fights the fight of the downtrodden but somehow this seemed waaaaaaay over the top and ever so slightly disingenuous for this particular situation. She's never met them. Never read their contract with TLC. Never been in the same room with the children but has all this first hand wisdom in dealing with THIS family. I somehow think CBS decided to use ALRED because she has attached herself to the other OCTO mom, you know the one, Angelina's look alike?

This story truly has the makings of a modern day Greek Tragedy. I hate it for them. You may say to me, "but didn't you hear they had an open marriage arrangement?" (gasp, is this where I'm supposed to be shocked?) or "she's just in it for the money."

I then ask, "have you considered how much money it costs to raise 8 kids in this modern civilization we're living in OR would you prefer the Gosselins to be living on WELFARE?" Hmmm, I believe there are quite a few people that would prefer it that way. SAD isn't it?

Why do we as a nation, when observing someone down, decide it would then be an even greater idea to kick them even harder? The media has been doing it for years, so true, but it seems to have taken on a much harsher tone. People seem to glory in the pain of others. Its a modern day take on a public execution --- think GUILLOTINE --- and that about sums it up.

I have not a clue what's really going on behind THEIR closed doors but I sure hope they can manage to somehow pull together and work as a team in raising their 8 beautiful kids. I'm not sweating their success or Kate's books about her experiences in being a mom of multiples. I'm glad they found a way to provide for their brood.

I haven't really heard anything that makes me desire their destruction. I live in the real world with all the rest of the screwed up people who like to believe they always have it together. They don't, none of us do. We have good days, maybe even some great days, but then there comes that moment when we are humbled --- again. We're just lucky that 'the world' isn't up our butts and in our business reveling in our pain.....

This couple signed up for a reality cable show, not Hollywood on crack. They are being treated to the worst it has to offer. And just so you know, I'm pulling for the 'greedy bitch' and 'lying bastard' to get their family back. They might even earn new nicknames --- like mom and dad or even better --- SURVIVOR.

A MOM 4 ALL OCCASSIONS

I can hardly believe it, but come this December I will have officially been on the job as mom for 19 years. I haven't counted the number of diapers I've changed or the bottles and boobs I've nourished with. Well okay, I only used the same two boobs, but you know what I mean.

Today is MOTHER'S DAY!!!!

It's the hyped up holiday brought to you by HALLMARK CARDS. I'm not complaining really, its nice to be recognized, but it'd be great to be appreciated the other 364 days out of the year when your up to your eyeballs in laundry and the countless to-do lists brought to you by the fruit of your womb. You know those 364 days when they don't feel obligated to buy that HALLMARK CARD or take you out to get your nails done. Come on, I know you're feelin' me.

Gregg is my near 19 year old man-child. The dude's been quite the 'experience' as far as sons go. I LOVE MY BUBBY. But one of the many attributes he has going for him is his ridiculous desire to shock people --- HARDCORE! He wants to challenge the mind visually and contextually. He's also stinking hilarious. On most days, at least once, I am dropped to my knees by something he has said. He challenges everything --- political views, religious hierarchy, musical tastes and trends of fashion. This young man takes nothing at face value but loves gazing at faces filled with BOTOX. He is an oxy-moron. And no, that isn't a subliminal jibe at my son. He can out-think and out-wit most people. He is well liked by his teachers and adored by most of my adult friends. The others he scares the proverbial crap out of. 19 years is a long time to stick with one job. But I think he's been worth the effort. He is a like water --- effervescent, always moving and a force that must be reckoned with. Gregg has many naysayers though. He's been written off by youth pastors because he didn't comply to their program, had some really difficult questions that couldn't be answered in the typical GOD IN A BOX way, and then, to put the cherry on top of the sundae, when time to pray and listen --- well, my boy heard crickets! Yeah, CRICKETS!

So what's this mom to do? Tremble in fear? Shake down the youth pastors for such limited narrow vision? DEMAND that the crickets talk GOD-SPEAK!!?? Nope. Not a chance. I am absolutely sure of one thing. This man-child has a purpose for being on this blue ball in the sky. He has a journey to make. I don't know how that will take shape but I have seen just a glimpse of the man he is becoming --- powerfully perceptive, hard-working, incredibly intelligent, intuitive, creative and not willing to put up with crap! He is intense. He does challenge the status quo. But he is so worth the effort.

Savvy. Well, I blogged about her a couple of days ago so I don't want to bore you with my redundancy but, she is my girl that is itching to start her own life. She has the guy and they have the dream. (See the pics above) She wants to start now. NOW! As you can see she is so very beautiful. She can make my heart swell like the ocean. She can also p*ss me off so badly that I want to forcefully borrow some of that long brown hair from atop her head. (I'm keepin this real people) Thankfully, that doesn't occur very often but when it does --- STAND BACK. LOL. Gregg says we can square off like no two others. I don't really get why it is that way with her. Maybe its because we are so much alike or maybe I just want so much for her that it scares me how fast the world could eat her alive. She's itty bitty teeny wheeny --- THE WORLD ISN'T. I marvel at how she can argue her way around the bush and back though. The girl has a mind like a steel trap. Seriously, she could probably convince the POPE to wear leather pants!!!! You want this girl on your team if it involves taking a stand for a cause you believe in. I know I want her on my team --- FOR LIFE.

Jaelyn is my baby. She is, as they say, DOPE. A fearless performer who suffers occasional panic attacks. Go figure. She has no patience for boys and their head games. Can I get an AMEN! She isn't long suffering at all when it comes to play acting stupid. The girl will shoot the truth straight through your heart! She works with the special needs kids at school and that makes me so very proud of her. She also adores her daddy immeasurably. Yeah, she's got her dreams of entertaining millions, but at the end of the day, she'd probably be happy being a dentist --- just as long as she doesn't have to live but a short distance from home. :-) We've told her that she is the character played by Joan Cusack in Raising Helen --- a natural born mother who is strong yet nurturing. We think we'll keep her around. She was our surprise baby. And there has never been a day where she hasn't surprised us. Like today for instance. She came home and was suddenly taller than her mother. YIKES! No kidding.

Today on this HALLMARK holiday, I've walked down memory lane. I've been thinking back to some of the funnier moments that have occurred with my kids. Moments like when I scared Gregg half out of his wits when he was just about 10 years old. Or the time when he decided to scare Savannah with a fake spider on a string while she was showering. And then Savvy, attempting to deliver pay-back, nearly breaking her head and the tub faucet lying in wait for Gregg to exit that same shower.

I've been reminded of the harder moments as well --- Gregg begging God to heal him as he lay in agony with his first migraine that required a hospital visit. Or Savvy fighting 3 strains of Salmonella at once. Jaelyn battling OCD with Anxiety after my best friend, Kim, passed away of Melanoma. You know the much harder less talked about times of motherhood.

I've thought about my dad today --- how he called Savvy his little princess and Jaelyn his poogie puss. I've remembered my mom and her incessant worrying over each and every single grandchild she has been blessed with. Yep, there are so many memories we mom's can conjure up on a day like today. I won't keep you any longer with mine. I'm sure if your a mom, you have plenty of your own to muddle through.

"MOM!!!?????" Yep, right on cue........

So in honor of Mothers Day I celebrate the best gifts I have ever received --- my three kids. I can always count on the unexpected, lots of laughs and the occasional hug that doesn't come with an alterior motive. LOL.

How does it work in your house?